COCHINEAL BEETLE
Nice women do not get a good man as men are hunters – DON’T DEVOTE YOURSELF TOO SOON TO A MAN OH FLOWER OH BLOSSOM OH WONDERFUL ILLUSION OF SOMETHING WE COULD CALL FEMALE PERHAPS BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I RECEIVED THIS IN AN E-MAIL FROM A WELL MEANING FRIEND (AREN’T THEY ALL OUR FRIENDS, THESE WOLVES IN SHEEPSKIN) – but the sly and manipulative ones can keep their men, THE HUNTERS.
I NEARLY DROWNED IN MY MORNING COFFEE AND LOOKED OUT FOR THIS HORRIBLE GREY OVERFED HUNTING CAT WHO IS THREATENING THE LOVELY BIRDS IN OUR WILD GARDEN. AN ENGLISH GARDEN BY THE WAY. LOOKING INTO MY DIARY REASSURED ME THAT WE STILL LIVE IN THE 21ST CENTURY AND IT IS INDEED AUGUST 2011 AND I AM HERE IN LONDON UK ISLAND ISOLATED FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD BY THE CHANNEL AND THE SEA. NO TRAFFIC NO BOATS ANYMORE NO PLANES AND TRAINS NO WIRELESS CONNECTIONS. I HAD TO BITE MYSELF AS I WAS NOT SURE IF I WAS FOR REAL.
LET’S DANCE THE BASSE DANSE THEN SAID THE COURTEOUS MAN TO THE LOVELY WOMAN ALL POWDERED UP TO HER NOSE WITH VENETIAN CERUSE INFUSED WITH MERCURY RED BEETROOTED CHEEKS HER MOUTH PAINTED WITH CARMINE RED PRODUCED BY THE COCHINEAL SHOWING HOW JUICY HER SEX MIGHT BE AND FORGETTING ABOUT LICE AND FLEES AND SYPHILIS JUST DANCING THE RITUAL AND SMILING THIS FROZEN SMILE OF I KNOW YOU ARE THE COURTEOUS HUNTER AND I AM THE PREY BEEN EATEN TODAY IN THIS FEAST WITH DEER AND WILD BOOR AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS COMING OVER TO INSPECT MY LOVELY BEETLE RED LIPS. WHAT JOY WHAT FEAST WHAT PARTY WE WILL HAVE ME NOT SUFFOCATING ON THE FISH BONE YOU HAD FORGOTTEN TO REMOVE FROM MY RAINBOW TROUT (THE COCKNEY SLANG VERSION).
COURTEOUS MAN HAD GIVEN TROUT THE INSTRUCTION TO VISIT FOR A SLEEPOVER IN FLUFFY STUFF AND FLUFFY LAND AND AS INFORMED AUDIENCE OF LA DIVINA COMMEDIA WE SMELL AND SENSE WE TOUCH WE HEAR AND SEE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS BECAUSE WE HAD BEEN TRAINED AS MIND READERS OF HIGHEST EXCELLENCE WITH A DEGREE IN TELEPATHY FROM A UNIVERSITY WELL OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE . IT WAS THE SAME IN THE RENAISSANCE AS IT IS IN THE HERE AND NOW. TODAY WE HAVE LEARNED ABOUT ETHICAL CO-EXISTENCE OF PREDATOR AND PREY SO REFINED IS THIS RELATIONSHIP THAT THE PREDATOR IS FEEDING THE PREY SO HE CAN EAT HER WITH MORE GUSTO. PREY IS THROWING HERSELF AT HIS FEET AND SCREAMING PLEASE EAT ME PLEASE TAKE ME PLEASE LET ME CLING ONTO YOU I BEG YOU DON’T OVERLOOK ME OH PREDATOR. (ALL IN THE STYLE OF WOODY ALLEN’S AND DIANE KEATON’S METHOD ACTING IN ANNIE HALL THAT IS RATHER UNDERSTATED AND COOL).
IN YOUR DREAMS MY GUY IN YOUR DREAMS THEY ARE DANCING THESE COURTEOUS DANCES THE QUADRILLE A BIT LATER AND PERHAPS A SHAG IN THE 20TH CENTURY FOLLOWED BY THIS JIVE OR CEROC FOR HIP EXERCISE AND THE EVERLASTING ORGASM OF THE HUNTER MALE CHOOSING THESE LOVELY DOVES AND PHEASANTS THESE SWEET DEER AND THE GAZELLES SOME OF THEM ARE MORE LIKE TIGRESSES OR LIONESSES WITH THE OCCASIONAL BLACK PANTHER DANCING THE SEDUCTIVE DANCE OF A TARANTULA IN DISGUISE.
BEFORE YOU THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT HUNTING THE PREY DOWN OH MALE HUNTER AS DESCRIBED IN THIS E-MAIL TO ME TODAY IN THE 21ST CENTURY PLEASE FEEL THE POISONOUS STING OF A BLACK SCORPIO OR THE LOVING EMBRACE OF THE PRAYING MANTIS THAT IS EATING HER MATE. ISN’T THIS THE DREAM OF YOU OH HUNTER FRIEND THAT AT THE END YOU ARE EATEN UP BY VAGINA DENTATA THAT HAS PUT HER TEETH AROUND YOUR SEX AND TOLD SACHER-MASOCH THAT HE HAD BEEN RIGHT ALL ALONG?
Film
Woody Allen. Annie Hall. 1977. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFCe1wQeXA0>.
Music
Tim Minchin. Song of the Masochist. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3_S-kN2Uws>.
(photo sources: dontai.com. animalsgallery.com. goodreads.com)
Gudrun Bielz 